dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
