I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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