Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
