i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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