Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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