She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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