I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
