You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
