If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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