From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
