So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
