you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
