I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's official drugs can't kill me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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