apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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