I think im going to throw up on grandma
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
