All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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