The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
