i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
