I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
