did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am midnight drunk by noon
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
