i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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