Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
