What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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