Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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