Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Randomize
