3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
