So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
