I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
