and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
