'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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