She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
