i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
