Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
