Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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