i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
