i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
