You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
