I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
