What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
