Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
