oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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