i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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