I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
