My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
