I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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