y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
