im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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