it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my phone needs a breathalizer
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
