question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
