It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
