This is not my ceiling
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
