After last night, I could never be a politician.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
