I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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